Home for the Holidays 24

Written on December 24, 2014.

Jesse Tree

Day 24 – December 24

Confession. I’ve been sitting at my laptop off and on for the past three hours. Words typed. Backspace, backspace, backspace. This morning I’ve learned I can stutter and stammer even when typing.

Today, our portion from the Jesus tree story is Jesus. Jesus. I am flooded and drought stricken at the same time. What words do I use? It isn’t that I have never written about Him, spoken of Him. But today, I long to wrap it in as tender as a package as He arrived in. Yet, I feel rumbly and fierce. I am in complete opposition to myself. Grrrrr.

I want to be sweet and eloquent in describing the indescribable. I want the dam to break so every word, thought and feeling I have ever held for him could flood the world. Sentences, paragraphs, chapters and volumes could be filled with it and it would not, could not be enough.

And so, I will simply share what was in my heart when I awakened and still pounds hours later.

Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:1-4

Broken and crushed if find myself. My most dreaded verse. It began with being unable to imagine how it could ever be spoken or prophesied that there was no beauty that would cause him to be desired. He is beauty itself. Lovely. Wonderful. Magnificent. He is words not yet created.

Then the moment came when I realized how I have fulfilled it myself. Maybe you have too. In Isaiah’s description of Jesus, He is covered by our sin. My sin. The world would not be able to see Him, not really. Not beyond the dust and dirt and grime. Weeping and typing, barely held together right now.

Understand that my torment is not here because of what I have done. It is for each and every moment I allow myself to be separate from him when I see him covered in my sin instead of washed and shining like the sun because of who He is and what He chose.

Born in a cave, hung on a tree and from a cave reborn. Fulness. Completion. Well, complete when I allow it to be.

An most the time, almost every time I do. But fleeting and few are the times I am the Shulamite in Song of Songs.

Torment of Separation

“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” “I was asleep but my heart was awake. A voice! My beloved was knocking: ‘Open to me, my sister, my darling, My dove, my perfect one! For my head is drenched with dew, My locks with the damp of the night.’ "I have taken off my dress, How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet, How can I dirty them again? "My beloved extended his hand through the opening, And my feelings were aroused for him. "I arose to open to my beloved; And my hands dripped with myrrh, And my fingers with liquid myrrh, On the handles of the bolt. "I opened to my beloved, But my beloved had turned away and had gone! My heart went out to him as he spoke. I searched for him but I did not find him; I called him but he did not answer me. "The watchmen who make the rounds in the city found me, They struck me and wounded me; The guardsmen of the walls took away my shawl from me. "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, If you find my beloved, As to what you will tell him: For I am lovesick .” "What kind of beloved is your beloved, O most beautiful among women? What kind of beloved is your beloved, That thus you adjure us?“

Admiration by the Bride
"My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand. 11 "His head is like gold, pure gold; His locks are like clusters of dates And black as a raven. "His eyes are like doves Beside streams of water, Bathed in milk, And reposed in their setting. "His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, Banks of sweet-scented herbs; His lips are lilies Dripping with liquid myrrh. "His hands are rods of gold Set with beryl; His abdomen is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires. "His legs are pillars of alabaster Set on pedestals of pure gold; His appearance is like Lebanon Choice as the cedars. "His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.” Song of Songs 5

Utterly wrung out when I read His words to her. "I have taken of my garment, How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet. How can I dirty them again?“ In fulness, "How could you suppose that you could defile what is made clean? Why do you try and bury what has been resurrected?”

Kleenex stock has just risen wildly thanks to me. He reached for her, but she couldn’t see him past her own condition. There was nothing lovely about him because he was covered in her dusty despair. The torment was self inflicted.

But then she remembered, as I do in those grieved moments awaiting joy. She remembered Him. Who He had become. And her hearts desire was that everyone else, whether they had waited with her for her beloved or been the heavy hands that added oppression to her tormented heart, would see Him too. For He was, He is wholly desirable. When I see, when I remember, when I return, when I complete the picture heaven has painted.

For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, Col. 1:19

Fulness. I have looked the meaning of this word up and written it down more times than I can count. I did it again today. But as He always does, He revealed what I hadn’t seen before. “In the New Testament, the body of believers, as that which is filled with the presence, power, agency, riches of God and of Christ” rings loudly as a definition of fulness.

I am rich. I am wealthy. I am redeemed. He is Here. He is Now. Together we are completely resurrected and wholly desirable.

Still leaking, I leave you with the words of a song by Cloverton.

Take me into the beautiful

Won’t You take me back again
With a love unexplainable
Come fill up this dry land
Let it open our eyes to see a world we’ve never seen
Let it open our hearts up to feel You inside of us
You’re here inside of me

Take me into the beautiful where the rivers flow
Where the love that never ends
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
La la la la la la la

Take me into the beautiful where the faces glow
Where the light that never dims
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
Come on and take me again

Take me into the mystery
Gently lift me with Your grace
Make the chaos a chorus with Yourself
Come fill this place
Cover me with Your mercy
Come and cover me with love
Cover me so that all might see that it’s You not me
It is You that I am singing of

Take me into the beautiful where the rivers flow
Where the love that never ends
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
La la la la la la la

Take me into the beautiful where the faces glow
Where the light that never dims
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
Come on and take me again

A love that’s brighter than diamonds when I’m with You
A love that always invites us to be with You
Your love is brighter than diamonds now that I’m with You

Take me into the beautiful where the rivers flow
Where the love that never ends
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
La la la la la la la

Take me into the beautiful where the faces glow
Where the light that never dims
Oh I wanna go to the beautiful
Come on and take me again
Come on and take me again

Ever returning. What a Savior.